Accurate measurement: it's the basis of all science. With this in mind, I present the Walker Anti-Social Parking Scale, or WASPS. How big a nobber is that person who's parked outside your house? Are the drivers of Peterborough worse than the drivers of Manchester? At last we can find out!
WASPS is designed to be simple, so it can easily be employed in the field.
The base WASPS score is one point for each wheel on the pavement or sidewalk.
This base score is then modified based on the following markers:
- Hazard lights are on +1 point
- There are yellow or zigzag no-parking lines on the road and the driver thinks parking on the pavement is a genius loophole that avoids these restrictions +1 point
- More than half the vehicle's width is on the footpath +1 point
- A no parking sign is flagrantly ignored +1 point
- The vehicle is in a cyclelane +1 point
- The driver has folded in the roadside mirror but left the pavement-side mirror sticking out +1 point
- The pavement is left too narrow for a wheelchair, mobility scooter or pushchair to get past +3 points
- There is a driveway or other parking space into which the vehicle could and should have been parked +5 points
- The vehicle belongs to the emergency services and is literally dousing a fire or otherwise saving somebody's life: -10 points
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| Wow - that's a WASPS score of 14 points, given there was an empty driveway at this house. Beat that |
I hope you find the scale useful - I'll be at home waiting for my Nobel Prize. One day I hope for a government with the balls to crush into a tiny cube any car found to be scoring more than, say, five points.
A handful of calibration images follow so you can practice.
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| Two wheels plus half-width and wheelchair modifiers - 6 points |
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| Two wheels, cycle lane, double yellows, half-width - 5 points. If there were any justice there would be additional points for terrible taste in cars |
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| Two wheels, double-yellow lines, perfectly legal place to park A WHOLE FUCKING METRE AWAY - 8 points |
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| Two wheels, half-width rule - 3 points |
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| Two wheels, half-width rule, wheelchair modifier and total disregard for no parking sign - 7 points |
